Federico and Ezio's Place

Finally Ezio made it to the corridor of his dorm after a rather slow and convoluted stroll back from Leonardo's. It took him at least twice as long as it should have.

Stood out by the front door, he took another deep breath, before unlocking it. The guilt, the pain and awkwardness all came rushing back, but he tried his best to push it to the back of his mind as he entered; quietly shutting the door behind him.

With his back to the room, he paused briefly before turning to face his brother..

Federico was still under his covers, facing away from the door. He heard the door click shut. Ezio must have come back. He remained silent, not wanting to make the other uncomfortable or upset. All he could feel was the guilt. He felt it creep up his throat, forming a lump. He could feel it clenching at his chest.

He assumed his brother would get into his own bed straight away upon his arrival, as he couldn't hear much sound coming from the other. The older Auditore glanced at the open window, calming from the breeze. He feigned sleep, knowing it would be better for them.

Noticing Federico was asleep, it was hard to decide if he was relieved or disappointed; on the one hand it meant he didn't have to have that awkward conversation, but on the other, it was only delaying the inevitable.

Ezio found himself standing, staring at his brother's bed, unsure what to do.. "F-Federico?.." He whispered, hoping the other was just pretending. His mind felt jumbled in thoughts, needs, want and desire... What he should do and what he wanted to do were two entirely different things. Right now he should wake his brother up, tell him all of this had to stop and come to some form of agreement with how to deal with Vieri, but... What he wanted...

His mind was vivid; what he wanted to do was to climb inside Federico's sheets, wrap his arms around his older brother and apologise... Apologise for acting like such an idiot, to kiss him and tell him everything would be okay, because nothing else mattered... Vieri did already know, so did it really matter now?

Kicking himself mentally, Ezio shook his head trying to disregard such thoughts, but his chest felt tight... What they had already done could not be undone, the things they had done together would stay with them for the rest of their lives and he'd remember what it felt like. No matter what, he'd miss being held by Federico, feeling his lips on his own. If he stopped all this, could they even go on to be normal brothers? Everything would be strained and any closeness they had would be gone.

So deep in thought, Ezio hadn't even noticed the tears staining his cheeks until a cool breeze cut across, making the dampness that bit cooler.. Raising a hand, he wiped at his face, trying to maintain some composure, but it came too late.. Almost inaudibly, a sob escaped him.... It felt like his world was collapsing around him.

Knowing he couldn't keep this in, he turned for the door.

Closing his eyes tighter, Federico remained silent. He felt like such a coward, back turned to his brother like this, but surely this was for the best. Wasn't it? They weren't supposed to be like this, they were supposed to support each other as family.

Federico was the one at fault. He was responsible for Ezio, he was supposed to protect the younger, keep him safe, offer advice. But this? This was...cruel. He had taken advantage of the other, guilted him whenever Ezio went off to do what any normal teenager his age should, and made the other feel like he should stay with Federico out of some sort of loyalty...or even pity over him....over his dead beat brother. Then at the sign of breaking point, he'd twisted up all their feelings, and thrown them away like it was nothing. As if they could come back from this, forget what they had shared together.

Could they really forget any of that? All they had known for so long was eachother. Save for the occasional one nightstand, all the brothers had felt for so long was eachother, bodies interlaced as they held on tight, afraid they would lose the other. How could they possibly move on from that? They wouldn't be brothers, not anymore.

Federico startled at the sound, so heartbreaking coming from his baby brother. His eyes opened wide, he turned over slowly, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. His eyes landed to Ezio just as he turned away. He pushed the covers away, standing swiftly as he moved toward the other.

"Wait. Ezio....please don't leave."

Stopping in his tracks, Ezio hesitated, almost unable to turn back around.. He didn’t want Federico to see him like this, that wasn’t the plan; he was meant to be strong and keep it together, so they could sort through all this.

With the back of his hand, he wiped at his eyes, trying to hide any tears that threatened to fall, before he slowly turned back towards his brother..

“I-…” This was hard, he couldn’t quite hold it together, but he tried… Taking a few breaths, he tried to continue.. “I…don’t…” Almost without even thinking, he approached Federico, until only a few inches apart.. “.. I don’t want to lose you..” Those weren’t the words he was meant to be saying, this wasn’t going to plan at all.

The need to throw his arms around his brother was overwhelming, but he punished himself mentally, only allowing himself to rest his head of Federico’s shoulder; when all he wanted was comforting… Selfishly so.

“I want this pain to go away..” He choked on a sob, unsure how much longer he could hold back the onslaught of emotions.

Watching the other closely for a sign, Federico pulled the other close, wrapping his arms around Ezio's waist, holding him close in a soft but tight embrace. He rested his chin a top the other's head. "Shh, Ezio...listen to me-" he hesitated. What could he say to the younger? He only wished to soothe him, but whatever he said was wrong. Ezio deserved so much more, he deserved to find someone he could be happy with, someone he could show off.

Sighing, he looked into the other's eyes, holding the other's chin gently so he could see the other's face. "You'll always have me. Always. No matter...what happens. I wont leave you, you wont's lose me. I promise..." he smiled sadly, embracing the other once more, willing his own stinging eyes to fade. "I...wish I could take away all of that pain...."

Tilting his head away a bit, Federico couldn't hold in the small trail of tears that spilled, though with the next blink they had soon disappeared. He took a deep breath. He needed to be strong for Ezio.

Leaning into Federico's embrace, Ezio rested his hands on his brother's bare chest; sensing his mutual pain.

As much as he wanted to believe what was being said to him, it was difficult, even if he knew his brother wasn't lying.. In some way, he was going to lose him.. If they stopped all this madness, even if they promised, they were still losing each other. The only way they wouldn't is if they continued, but then they'd lose others...

Lifting his head from Federico's shoulder, he looked up to see his brother's tears; chest tightening, he reached up, brushing the back of his fingers gently against the dampness of his cheek.

They were both heartbroken, saying and doing the opposite of what they truly wanted, but they were damned.

"Fratello..." Breath hitched in his throat... "I can't do this... I know what we have to do.." Raising his other hand, he caressed both sides of his brother's face as he looked into his eyes; his own eyebrows furrowing in anguish, eyes reddened by tears.. "But I don't know if I can.." Reaching up, he closed the small gap between them, tenderly kissing his brother, in the sweetest way.. "Io ti amo..." He whispered, knowing he'd done wrong.

Holding the other impossibly closer, Federico reminisced of the time they had spent feeling this closeness as lovers. He would never tire of holding Ezio like this, the younger man fit in his arms perfectly, like they were made to be this way. He would miss this the most...

Leaning into the other's hand, he sighed. He couldn't go through with this, it was too painful. No matter what he said in this moment, he would damn them both, to either loneliness or heartbreak. Either way they looked at it, they would be disappointing someone whether it be themselves or the people around them.

"I know Fratello...I-...this is so difficult. I've never felt pain quite like this..." He pressed a light kiss to the other's forehead, eyes meeting Ezio's as he felt lips upon his own. It was a soft, loving kiss. He let it carry on for a hit before pulling away slowly."Ti amo anch'io...but...we can't go on like this. I'm sorry fratello, but we can't continue this. I'm so sorry. I can't...It's over. We can't be together like this."

"I understand if you want me to leave." He pulled further away, head bowed down to the floor

Up until now, the younger brother thought he knew what pain was, but in that instant he felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest; it was soul destroying.

Pushing against Federico’s chest, he stumbled back a little in shock; he hadn’t anticipated his brother’s response. As he stared towards the other accusingly, his eyes stung with tears, now completely unable to hold them back.

“…you..” He sobbed.. “.. Why?...” Suddenly it was hard to breathe, he knew ‘why’, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Whatever they had between them would be gone if Federico insisted further; if they could no longer be lovers, Ezio wasn’t sure if they could even be brothers. No matter which way he looked at it, they were ruined… They had destroyed each other so completely and this was clearly what hell felt like.

“… No.. Don’t do this Federico..Please!” He pleaded, not removing his gaze from his brother. This was it, if he was pushed away one more time, everything was over… Everything.

He felt his own heart shatter as he spoke, unable to set his gaze upon his carissimo fratello. It wasn't fair. All of his closest family and friends could be with their beloved ones, and here they were, unable to live that same fantasy world. No...this wasn't their fantasy...this was dismal, cruel, practically a joke the devil himself was playing on their now twisted, destroyed bond. They weren't lovers. They weren't even brother's anymore. Just as well, Ezio didn't need him, he'd make the younger Auditore realise this.

Stepping back further, Federico looked up suddenly, staring directly into the other's eyes. "Why..?", he whispered, confused at first. Ezio couldn't be serious, surely this wasn't the cocky, over confident boy he once knew. He'd done this. He had made Ezio this way. He only had himself to blame, and now he had to deal with the fall out.

"No, you listen! Don't do what, huh?! What would you have me do? What can I possibly say to you to make you realise Ezio?!". He was frowning now,  voice starting to raise in volume. "I can't fix this! Face it,  we're broken! This is wrong, we can never come back from this!  So what do you want me to do?!  Say we can run away? Will that make you happy? Because it sure won't fucking help!", he was shouting now, fresh tears rolling down his face as his resolve crumbled.

"You deserve so much better...you deserve to find someone you can rely on, someone y-you can kiss whenever you want and just...be happy with. You deserve to have a family one day...".

"You don't deserve a piece of shit like me-" , he choked on a sob, barely holding himself together now. He wiped his face, turning away from Ezio, brushing past him as he headed for the bathroom door,  desperate to put distance between them.

It felt as if Federico was suddenly somebody entirely different, Ezio’s blood run cold as he was shouted at. Never did he think he’d be on the receiving end of such anger from his brother, sure, they’d argued, but this was too much.

Silently he stood, watching the other break down, but he wasn’t capable of moving. Wasn’t even capable of feeling guilty… A new feeling swept over him.

Swiftly turning, he grabbed a hold of his brother’s wrist and dragged him back into the room, pushing him roughly into the desk in the process.

“Don’t you DARE tell me what I want and what I deserve..” He hissed through gritted teeth, not yet shouting.

Marching towards the slightly larger man, he roughly seized his shoulders.. “Would you rather me be HAPPY that you’re doing this?! Do you want me to smile and agree?! Would that make your life easier, hm?! Well, I’m sorry to fucking disappoint you, caro fratello!” Now he yelled, as angry at himself as he was his brother, but even more for the situation they found themselves in. “I never ASKED you to fix this, I NEVER asked that much of you..” He trailed off as he released his brother; turning his back on him.

Swallowing hard, it took a few moments to calm down… “You are right about one thing though, Federico… We really can’t come back from this, you’ve made that choice.. We’re nothing now..” Walking towards the front door, he stopped and looked over his shoulder, looking as if his whole world just ended.. “If it took running away for us to be together; I wouldn’t have hesitated.” Turning the handle of the door, he had no idea where he was going to go, he didn’t even want to stay here long enough to pack, he just knew he was too angry and heartbroken for anymore words.

Federico winced as he was pulled backwards and slammed into the desk, his tears stopped from the shock. Ezio had never before got this physical with him during a fight, and they had plenty of ugly fights before and after realising their feelings for one another.

He flinched back, staring into the other's eyes as he shouted back. He instantly felt more guilt crawling up his chest. Of course he didn't expect either of them to be happy about this, or even to accept it so well at first. He only wanted what was best for his brother and if that meant cutting ties and himself out of the younger's life. Then he would do it.

He looked down as the other shouted back at him, not bothering to argue. All he felt was regret.

He looked up as he heard silence, hopeful that maybe the other understood and had calmed. He hadn't. As soon as those words left Ezio his heart shattered into more shards, cutting into his chest like glass. He let the other go, tears streaming down his face once more.

He slid slowly down to the floor, head in his hands as he sat in the empty room. He shivered, seemed like the wind had picked up, he felt the cool breeze through the wide open window, biting at his skin. He was lost and alone.

Hopelessly he thought of his father, hoping this had all been worth it. He felt maybe for once he could be proud of himself. He'd talk with his father soon, he needed to get away for a while, let Ezio have some space. Perhaps things might pick up upon their father's return.

Waking up the next morning had been a pain. The older Auditore had gotten little to no sleep the following night. Once he had managed to pick himself up off the floor, he didn't have the energy to succumb to anymore alcohol. All he'd wanted to do was curl up in his empty bed and sleep forever. Unfortunately he actually had to show his face today.

It was the sound of his phone buzzing that startled him awake. He'd hoped in the back of his mind that perhaps it was Ezio, wanting to talk. He didn't think he could face the other for an eternity now.

Turns out it was his father, he had returned, incredibly early and terribly timed. Could things really get much worse?

He supposed either way they'd be in the same boat whether he returned now or later. That said, he would need to have a word with his padre. Perhaps he could make an excuse for them, after all the family had been known for its fights, especially when the eldest sibling was involved. It would be no surprise that he and Ezio fought while their father was away.

Stretching slightly, Federico pulled himself together slowly, showering and getting his bag and books together. He left their dorm without breakfast, not feeling up to attempting to eat. He lit up a cigarette as he walked to his first class. He was somewhat relieved to have Science first, it was one of the only things he enjoyed about life here lately.

Having had a coffee and small breakfast from the cafe, Ezio decided given the looks he got that he really needed to go and change and have a shower; there was no way he could go through the day looking like this.

Heading back to his dorm, he was hoping beyond all hope that Federico had already left or that he could just grab a change of clothes and hide in the bathroom... The immense dread he was feeling almost convinced him that he didn't look or smell too bad.. Or that perhaps he could just skip another day, but as these thoughts crossed his mind, he saw him... Federico leaving their dorm building.

He looked rough as well.. Ezio hid and waited for his brother to be gone, feeling a little ashamed as he did so, before heading to the room, feeling a little relieved.

He didn't really have much time, so he grabbed some fresh clothes and immediately jumped into the shower.

Giovanni didn't have much on his schedule the next few days so had plenty of time to wander over to the boys halls. he easily found his way, familiar with the campus for many years.
Knocking on the door he waited, hopefully one or the other was in.

Stumbling out of the shower, Ezio heard a knock at the door, his mind automatically going to Federico, but obviously he had a key.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he headed into the main room, wondering whether to answer or not... Hesitating a few moments longer, he pulled the door open ever so slightly, just planning on telling whoever it was that he was busy, or more likely that they had the wrong room.

"Uh.... Padre!" He was in a mix of delight and utter shock.. Damnit, this meant he didn't have the excuse of asking him to come back later, that stuff didn't work on parents... Awkwardly, he remembered the bruises and marks scattered all over his body...

"Erm.. I wasn't expecting to see you so soon..." Falteringly, he pulled the door further open, trying to turn his back to his father as swiftly as he could and escape to the bathroom, forgetting the scratch marks on is spine and shoulder blades.. "I'll just get dressed and we can catch up.." He tried his damnedest to be positive as he felt like he couldn't breathe.

Giovannis' smile dropped from his face when he saw the marks on Ezio, he closed the door behind him with a frown.
"Ezio, what happened, have you been in a fight? Are you okay?"
He sat on the corner of one of the beds looking out of place in his suit.He was clearly very worried.

Quickly, Ezio shut the bathroom door behind himself.. "Erm, it's nothing... Really.." He laughed nervously, throwing on his clothes.

Once dressed, towel around neck to hide the bruises and catch water droplets, he left the bathroom, trying to put on his best happy-go-lucky smile. "You're back a lot earlier than we expected.. Did everything go to plan?" He tried desperately to change the subject.

"Ezio, i'm not stupid. I have eyes, and i KNOW you...it's NOT nothing. La Volpe said you didn't go to the meeting because you were ill."
He pointed at the other bed for his son to sit down and talk.

Rubbing his hair with the towel, he frowned, looking away from his father for a moment. Nothing ever escaped him... Ever.

Sighing, he sat down on the bed across from Giovanni, having no idea what to say.. "I-...." Suddenly he couldn't speak, visibly disorientated.

"It's nothing to worry about, padre.. I can handle myself.." He literally had nothing to say.. Nothing came to mind that would be even remotely believable to his father...

"Ezio...son...I DO worry. Have you and Federico been fighting again?" He really was worried now, the last time they fell out it had almost been 6 months till they had reconciled.
"You CAN talk to me about anything you know...i wasn't always a boring banker, very little can shock me. IF you need help, don't hesitate to come to me okay?"

"I know.." He looked down, unable to make eye contact which was something he didn't usually struggle with, especially with his father.

Very little could shock him, Ezio derisively laughed at himself internally, betting he could horrify his father with just five words.. I like fucking my brother.

Swallowing hard, he tried to escape the situation.. "I should probably get to class now, I have some making up to do and I'd hate to be late.."

Giovanni stood and hugged his son tightly.
"Ezio..." he changed his mind over what he was going to say and started again.
"you can come to dinner another night, you know your mother always makes enough for an army! Get some rest when you can, and if you want to talk, just call and i'll be there okay?"

Ezio wrapped his arms around his father, it felt nice, but his brain wouldn't let up.. If he knew about what he and Federico had been doing, would he be so nice?

"I might do that.." He began to gather his belongings for the day, more as a distraction than genuinely being in a rush.. "I'll send you a text to let you know... Thank you, dad.." He looked over to the older man, with a somewhat more genuine smile.. "I want to know about your travels when I do come over.."

"take care son. I mean it, you can talk to me about anything, anytime." Giovanni tried to smile but couldn't disguise the worry in his voice as he left on the way back to his office.